'Real men' must walk the talk against violence against women, says Vaea

'Oku mau poupou'i lahi 'a e polokalama ko'eni. 'I 'Amelika ni ko e taha 'eni 'o e lao 'oku tokangaekina lahi 'e he pule'anga, ke malu'i 'a e kakai fefine. 'Oku kau 'a e pa'usi'i 'o e kakai fefine 'i he konga lahi 'o e feinga ke ta'ofi pea mo tautea 'a e fa'ahinga 'oku nau maumau'i 'a e lao ko'eni. Ko e taha 'o e polokalama lelei taha kuo ngaue'aki 'i 'Amelika ni ko hono lesisita 'a e fa'ahinga koia kuo 'osi mo'ua (convicted) 'i hono pa'usi'i 'o e kakai fefine (sex offenders). 'Oku kau 'a e polokalama ko'eni 'i hono fakasi'isi'i, pea mo fakafaingofua ki he fakatotolo 'a e kau polisi. Ko e polokalama ko e 'sex offenders registration program'. Ko e tokotaha kotoape kuo mo'ua 'i he fa'ahinga hia ni, kuo pau ke lesisita ia 'i he potungaue polisi ofi taha ki he feitu'u koia 'oku nofo ai. Kuopau ke 'ai la'ita, fingerprints, race, physical descriptions, DNA samples mo e fa'ahinga hia na'ane mo'ua ai etc, pea tauhi 'i he faile 'a e kau polisi. Kuo pau ke fakafo'ou fakata'u lesista kapau 'e nofo pe 'i ha tu'asila tatau. Tukukehe kapau 'e hikikihiki holo kuopau ke lipooti ki 'api polisi 'a e tu'asila fo'oui. Ko e kau homeless kuopau ke lesisita tu'o taha 'ihe mahina kotoape. Kuo 'osi fakamo'oni'i 'oku tokoni lahi 'a e polokalama ni ki hono fakasi'isi'i pea mo hono fakatotolo'i 'a hono pa'usi'i 'o e kakai fefine. Kapau kuo 'osi ngaue'aki 'a e polokalama ni 'i Tonga pea 'oku mau kole atu ke toe fakamalohi'i ange ke malu'i si'omau fangatuofafine 'i Tonga na meihe 'violence against women'.....SAIA

What must be remembered is that violence and evil is in the human nature, both male and female. The main perpetrator in the death of the 14 year teen was her mother. Women and mothers are increasingly asserting their rights for eg to have some sort of recreation time, away from home with their friends in bars, nightclubs etc while the fathers have their kava Tonga etc. And off they both go!! Equal rights achieved!! Well done!! But are we missing something here? Of course. Where are the children? What are the chances that the children are expecting a peaceful homecoming scenario? Very little to nil. Such scene is the breeding ground of resentment, disrespect and strife in children. We don't need to look further from our own neighbourhoods to see these things happening. We must always bear in mind that not all good things come without a price. We need to take account of both the pros and cons. I completely abhor violence against women and children! These international pressures for equality is coming and there is no stopping them. The choice is the individual persons. The ability to balance good moral values against short-lived selfish desires depends on the individual woman's judgment! How much do I exert my rights is up to me. But as a woman and a mother growing up as a Tongan, I am obliged to take into consideration a whole lot of other things before I act on my rights. Of course the selfish woman, might be encouraged to choose herself, her own enjoyment & happiness above all else - a spurned wife might be encouraged to look for comfort in another man's arms; a teenage daughter could be encouraged to throw caution to the wind. The encouragement factor for these women is the guarantee that the law will protect them against all forms of discrimination for the choices that they make. The first woman in my scenario can tell her children she can't be blamed for leaving them alone at night because their daddy does the same thing. The wife who had just spent the evening with another man has the right to kick the husband out of the house if he harasses her about whom she had been with. And the daughter well, the law does not tolerate physical violence. In the eyes of the law, these women did nothing wrong. They were just exercising their rights and they should not be discriminated for their choices. In America, the matter ends there! In Tongs, It does not!. We in Tonga have things Oother than the equal rights law that anchor us as a society. You and I need not look further than the Kavei Koula to remind ourselves we are not America!!! Only in the last few weeks, I read of four murders in America where in two separate incidents the sons killed their own mothers and decapitated their bodies. The reason was, the boys had expressed dislike for what their mothers had been doing ie, for bringing their boyfriends home with them while the boy was watching. Women's rights indeed!! .... TU'ANAKI

Ko e me'a ke mahino ko e houtamaki mo e kovi kotoa ko e natula fakaetangata ia, pe ko e fefine ko e pe tangata. Ko e taha na'a ne tamate'i 'ene tama fefine ta'u 14, ko 'ene fa'ee pe. 'Oku faka'au fonu ange 'a e ngaahi feitu'u fakafiefia he po'uli he kakai fefine matu'otu'a mo e ngaahi fa'ee. Ko e faka'ilonga ia 'e taha 'a e tau'ataina ange 'a e fefine ke fai 'ene fili pea malu'i ia 'e he lao ke tapu ke fakamamahi'i mo ngaohi kovi'i ki ha fili 'oku ne fai. Eg. Ka 'alu 'o 'eva mo hano kaungame'a, tokua he 'oku tatau pe mo e motu'a tangata, 'oku 'alu ia he po'uli 'o kava Tonga mo 'eva. Ha ka 'ikai ke u 'alu ai mo au 'o fiefia? Sai, ke ma'u 'a e tatau, takitaha hu kitu'a. 'Alu e fa'ee he, 'alu e motu'a hee. Tatau ki ai!! Fakalao ki ai!! Ka ku ai ha me'a 'oku ngalo? Ko e fanau. Ko fe 'a e fanau? Ke pehee 'oku si'i takoto e fanau 'o fakakaukau 'e fai ha va melino he foki mai 'a e ongo kumi tatau? Ko ha toki fanau'anga 'eni 'o e loto fefeka, talangata'a mo e angatu'u 'a e fanau. 'Ikai ke tau toe vakai mama'o tautolu he tau mamata totonu ha ngaahi me'a pehe ni 'oku hoko, he 'oku hoko pe ia he tau loto fale mo hotau kaunga'api ofi. Mahino kia tautolu 'e 'ikai ha'u ta'etotongi ha me'a lelei. Ka ke tau fakatou fua tatau hono lelei mo hono kovi fakatou'osi. 'Oku ou matu'aki fehi'a he ta mo e fakamamahi 'o e kakai fefine mo e fanau. Pea ko e kaupeau e totonu 'a e tangata kuo hu'a mai 'e 'ikai toe lava ia 'o ta'ofi, he 'oku ha'u ia mo hono ngaahi lao mo e ngaahi me'a ke fusia'u 'aki 'o hangee ko e Lao ki he Famili na'e toki paasi. Ko e malu'i, fai ia 'e he lao. Ko e fili, fai ia 'e he fefine fakafo'ituitui. Ko e mafai ke fakapalanisi 'a e mo'ui fakamolale lelei ki he fiema'u mo e fiefia siokita taimi nounou, 'oku 'I he fili fakafo'ituitui ia 'a e fefine takitaha! 'Oku 'a 'aku pe 'a e fili pe teu fusia'u 'eku totonu pe 'ikai. Ka ko e fefine Tonga tupu 'I Tonga te ne 'uluaki vakavakai tu'o ua ma'u pe kimu'a pea ne fai tu'utu'uni ke fusia'u 'ene totonu 'oku 'omai 'e he "lao ki he totonu tatau 'a fafine". Mahino ia 'oku malu'i 'e he lao 'a e totonu 'a ha fa'ee ke 'oua 'e fakaanga'i ia mo tapalasia'i 'e he'ene fanau kapau 'e 'alu ia 'o 'eva kae li'aki nautolu he po'uli, he 'oku tatau pe mo daddy, 'oku 'eva pe mo ia!. 'Oku malu'i 'e he lao ke 'oua 'e taa'i 'e ha husepaniti hono uaifi 'i ha'ane toe 'alu 'o fakasio moa ke fakafoki ha kovi tatau kuo fai 'e hono husepaniti. Pea 'oku malu'i 'e he lao 'a e 'ofefine ke 'oua 'e taa'i ia 'e he matu'a ka 'alu 'o li'aki e ako kae 'alu ia 'o fai hano loto. He 'oku matu'aki mata 'aa 'aa 'aupito 'a e lao ke tautea'i 'a e fakamamahi'i 'o fafine... ka 'oku pokopokosi'i 'ene sio ki he 'uhinga na'e hoko ai. Koe'uhi ko e malu'i 'oku 'ange 'e he lao ki ha fafine, 'oku loto lahi leva 'a fafine ke fili ki he'ene totonu he'ene ilo 'oku ai hono malu'i. Tau foki mai leva ki he fo'i fili ko iaa... Ko e 'uluaki 'oku ou lave ki ai 'I 'olunga, 'oku ai 'ene totonu he lao ke 'oua 'e fakaanga'i, tapalasia mo ngaohikovi'i ia 'e he fanau mo hono hoa 'oka 'alu 'o tulia 'ene fiefia. Fefine hono ua, te ne lava ke fakamavahe'i hono husepaniti mei 'api 'aki 'a e tu'utu'uni fakapolisi ko'eni 'oku ha he Lao Famili, kapau 'e foki atu pea fakamamahi'i pe ta ia hono husepaniti. Ko e 'ofefine, 'oku tapu 'aupito ke ala 'a e matu'a 'o taa'i. 'Oku malu'i 'e he lao ke 'oua 'e fakamamahi'i 'a fefine 'o tatau ai pe koeha fa'ahinga 'uhinga. 'I 'Amelika, ko e lea 'a e lao, ko 'ene ngata ia 'a e me'aa. Ka 'i Tonga, 'oku 'ikai. He 'oku ai 'a e me'a makehe ia 'a Tonga mei he "lao tatau 'a fafine" 'oku taula mo fakama'u ki ai hotau sosaieti. 'E 'ikai ke tau toe fakasio mama'o ange mei he Kavei Koula ke tau 'ilo 'a e taula ko 'eni, mo fakamanatu kiate kitautolu 'oku 'ikai ke tau 'Amelika, 'o ta'ekavei koula!! 'I he ngaahi uike pe ko 'eni kuo toki 'osi, ne u vakai ki he fakapoongi 'e he fanau 'enau matu'a 'i 'Amelika. Ko e fakapo ai 'e 2 ko e hoka hele'i 'e he foha 'a e fa'ee (tapu mo Hou'eiki) pea tu'utu'u hono 'anga'anga. Toki 'ilo kimui na'e tafunaki 'a e fehi'a 'a e ongo foha ki he'ena fa'ee he'ene 'omai hono ngaahi kaume'a tangata ki 'api 'o na mamata pe ki ai. 'Io, na'e 'i ai 'a e totonu 'a e fa'ee ke 'oua 'e ta palasia mo discriminate ki he'ene fili he ko e fefine ia! Ka ko e ha hono nunu'a? 'Oku malu'i 'e he lao 'a e fefine ke 'oua 'e fakamamahi'i pe tapalasia tatau pe koeha pe ha 'uhinga pe ko 'ene fili 'oku fai. Ka 'oku 'i he fefine fakafo'ituitui, ke ne fili ke tonu.... he 'e tuai 'a e fakamaau 'a e lao, ka 'e mu'omu'a 'a e fakamaau 'a e fanau .... TU'ANAKI.