Cherished memories of Princess Kaimana [1]
Thursday, July 20, 2006 - 06:00. Updated on Friday, October 17, 2014 - 14:11.
Editor,
I wish to offer my humblest and sincerest condolences to all friends and family of Princess Kaimana and Prince Tu'ipelehake. I hope I speak for many of their friends in a similar spirit of solidarity and common humanity that they came to embody so strongly in their travels around the world. It has taken many days for us to get to grips with the shock and pain of the Prince and Princess' passing, made all the more difficult by wanting but not being able to show our grief, love and respect by attending the funeral. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you all during this difficult time.
I write from the UK where the Princess was posted for four years at the Tongan High Commission in London. She touched people on the other side of the world as much as she did in Tonga. Hers were not always great acts of politics but of acts of kindness, consideration, and humour that often go unacknowledged but have an enduring influence in many unanticipated and important ways. Many people have mentioned in the many articles and TV programmes I have seen on the web, how the Prince and Princess came to demonstrate an ideal of accessible, engaged and concerned nobility.
The Princess was no different when in London. I was a budding medical anthropologist trying to get a sense of the complexities of Tongan medicine and its interaction with hospital medicine when I approached the Tongan High Commission to ask if anyone could help me learn Tongan. Despite a busy schedule she offered to teach me herself. I must admit I learnt little Tongan language from our lessons, it is always difficult to learn a language outside the country. More importantly, perhaps, through Kaimana as cultural ambassador I learnt of some of the key values of Tonga as manifest in her actions. Our chats about Tonga convinced me of her intelligence, patience, humour, cosmopolitanism, sense of Christian duty and commitment to and responsibility for her extended family. She gave me great insights into Tongan medicine and the pleasures and frustrations of living in Tonga and dealing with unfounded rumours. For this I will be eternally grateful.
Romantic illusions of Tonga in check I arrived committed, connected, realistic and enthusiastic. Princess Kaimana, after all, was expert in balancing the differences and expectations of Tonga and life in the public eye in the many countries she had worked and studied. She could also communicate that to others. Four years diplomatic service in London had followed several years work in Tonga, a Masters' Degree in Australia in international relations and a public education in New Zealand. She had also learned German and Japanese, though she regretted rarely having the opportunity to use them.
Most importantly, however, she communicated a real sense of the political complexity and contradictions, importance of Tongan history, uniqueness, and internal and economic problems facing Tonga. Her knowledge was encompassing but her modesty meant that few people realised that she had written her masters' thesis on the pro-democracy movement. In meetings since, her constancy and sense of responsibility tinged with humour underlied her profound understanding of the importance and dilemmas of her role. For example, her declining to act as representative for one woman's group was motivated by the desire to encourage capable commoners into the position.
Her and her family's commitment to issues of social importance have been inspiring to many, demonstrating a spirit of inclusiveness in which being Tongan by birth or desire, noble or commoner, was secondary to one's love and commitment to sensitive political change and real social improvement to those people most in need.
It is funny what memories come to the fore when friends pass away. The relaxed informality of the Aleamotu'a household during the hectic preparation for the wedding in Tonga made me recall Princess Kaimana's generous hospitality and sense of humour in London. She always exuded a relaxed calmness despite the many difficult issues she had to deal with. Princess Kaimana's personal and detailed introduction of her friends to the Prince at the wedding showed that she knew we were awed by the pomp and ceremony, and subtlely communicated to us that her political and personal commitments would endure. Most poignantly, I remember a final meeting less than two years ago in the cool breeze and formality at Fatai during which she spoke of her deep love for the Prince and her future plans and wish for children.
A life of responsibility is never easy but Princess Kaimana carried of the transformation to the role and sacrifices of being a princess seemingly effortlessly. On the way she helped many in subtle and sensitive ways that never made you feel she was going out of her way. The duties of royal marriage meant that her many friends had fewer opportunities to see and chat with her. However, we cherished those few opportunities when they presented themselves, and will miss those opportunities that we looked forward to in the future. We hope we can continue as adopted family, in the same spirit of accessibility and inclusiveness, some of the work she started and would have hoped their children would continue.
'Ofa atu,
Dr Maika Poltorak
University of Sussex, Brighton, United Kingdom
mikepoltorak [at] hotmail [dot] com