Unfortunately, many people, especially women and children in Tonga, think that it is normal to be beaten up, but it is time to change this attitude, the Acting Co-ordinator of the Tonga National Centre for Women and Children, 'Eleni Mone said this week.

"Domestic violence is ugly. It's not nice to be beaten up and to fear for your life and to have to do whatever has to be done," she told the centre's supporters at a fundraising programme on September 23.

"We need funds to change this. We need your help to educate a community that thinks that it's their lot to be beaten up. Child abuse is very ugly but kids think that it's normal that if you don't do it you will be beaten."

'Eleni, a former police officer, said that in situations of abuse they were finding there are layers and layers of problems and not just domestic violence. "Often it's a lack of education by those involved and they are not going to school because they do not have the means."

"There are many who cannot even say: 'stop beating me up I don't deserve to be treated this way'. Very few are strong enough."

She said the stories were many. "In this kind of work whatever you achieve is only a tiny fraction of what's out there, but it is encouraging that women are reporting what's happening and that some cases are taken to the police."

Different forms of violence

'Eleni said there were many different forms of violence and often they find that when the victim goes to police, the abuser withholds money for support of the children, which was another form of abuse.

"There are attitudes we have to change. Even the women are saying that, 'you provoked it and that's why he beat you'. There's emotional abuse when grandparents tell kids, 'you are not good enough'.

"It's the ugly side of our beautiful society and it must change but it cannot be done by just us."

She appealed for donations because there is a scarcity of resources to address these problems. The centre runs a safe house where women and children who are abused or women awaiting court cases against their abusers can seek refuge.

She said that regrettably all strata of society are involved in some form of violence.

Dr Siaosi 'Aho, pediatrician and Advisory Board Member, said that the Vaiola Hospital sees many non-accidental injuries to children, including murder. "These are just the tip of the iceberg, there is a lot out there happening that we don't know about" he said.

"We are really under-resourced and want to grow the organization."

Dr 'Aho said they were not alone in this task and he was grateful to the Ministry of Police for their support of the board and the centre. "We want to make it easy at the centre and user friendly where people can drop by and say I need help," he said.

Dr 'Aho said that while government gave support, the centre had to find 50% of its own annual funding.

The afternoon tea programme raised $2,460 pa'anga.