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Onward Christian Soldiers!


Dear Sir

During the Civil War years in Tonga, one particular battle was called the “Tau Fakalele Moa” Translation? “”Battle of the Running Chickens” Hold on! Neither one of us were there to argue there were no chickens in Tonga during this period. I heard this on Tonga…’s only radio station, the ZCO.

As I read the March 17th edition of The New Zealand Herald, I finally realized how close Tonga is getting to another “Civil War” Professor Futa Helu was quoted as saying, “The King is decrepid and the Crown Prince has no other interests but his own businesses. If the Prince continues to abuse his power, there will be a popular revolt, maybe bloodshed” This got to be true. These are strong predictions from Yoda, the wisest of the Jedis (masses of the Star Wars).

I imagine the confrontation in the battlefield will be different this time. The strategists got to be at the best in planning their approaches. I have heard of a few strategies like Air-Land Battle (warriors try to strike his opponent while jumping to get their feet off the ground); If it Flies it Dies, or Air Domination (the warriors can only fight when they are lifted up by their comrades above their head); or the good old fashioned way, the Naval Blockade (this is done when sailors come ashore to keep women occupied to prevent them from so-called battle fatigue or battle stress from the battles around them).

Can you imagine the fast moving mast of men lifting their braves in the air in their determination to beat the opposition? In the old days it was the iron horses (they are commonly known as “tanks”) maneuvering to blow and tear places up. The blue sky filled with airplanes (so-called lofa ‘‘aione” or iron kites) and roaring missiles homing to their pre-determined targets. Those are battles of the Weaklings” of the past. We are descendants of “Braves” said Yoda, “In the past, if we had an unpopular monarch, we cut his head off. Tongans are a warlike people; we conquered the Pacific. As directly descended from these braves, we got to keep it the way it used to be. This is known in the Latino men of the world as “mano-a-mano” or man-to-man. No more of that chicken crap fighting from the distance.

Though I am an ex-patriot and a bystander in all these like many Tongans overseas, I am proposing that we all get involved in the future of our motherland. Is it motherland or motherisland? I wonder if “fatherisland is appropriate? I’’ll just call it MIFI”, acronym for Mother Island or Father Island. Anyway, recruiting for the MIFI battalion will start immediately. Anyone who can hear the sound of my computer is invited to join defending the MIFI from tyranny. However, no head cutting will be allowed.

In this strategic battle the “Rules of Engagement” (ROE) must be established before hand. Can you imagine a bunch of undisciplined warriors looting and pilfering the civilian population instead of concentrating on their task at hand, which is keeping their women and children safe? They shouldn’’t worry about them. They are in good hands. The sailors have arrived, remember?

Looking for a few good men! Only real men need apply. … Whether you are horizontally challenged (fat) or your heart being full of holes (pe‘e), you still have an important role to fill. These are some of the vacancies and hot jobs you can fill:

Cheerleading Men (kau huke vala
Cheerleading women (kau faka’ai’ai)
Orators, men skilled with words (kau taukapekape)
Sanitation Engineers (kau hiko veve)
Bouncers or Bodyguards( Kau pukepuke)
Logisticians (Kau to’o vai)

And more opportunities…Come! Join MIFI. Travel the world and meet exotic people and kill them. May the “Dove with the olive branch and the Flag with Cross and the Blood of Jesus” forever wave with pride. The MIFI battalion is coming to the rescue.

“Long Live the Friendly Islands”

Tama Foa